Friday, September 4, 2009

Hi! Maxwell Here! Welcome to Psychology 101


Ok Class,Our subject for today is...........................

A Dog's Daily Routine
The day is divided into two important sections: the all-important mealtime, and everything else.

I. Mealtime

Just because there does not seem to be anything visible around to eat certainly does not mean there is nothing around to eat. The act of staring at the underside of a table or chair on which someone else is eating sets in motion a chain of events that eventually results in food.

It goes without saying that you should carefully check the lower third of any space for edibles. Mouth-sized things which cannot be identified by sight or smell are considered gum.

When you actually receive a meal, submerge your head into it as you would a shower. Never, never look up again until a minimum of at least fifteen minutes after the obvious food is gone. This is important. Just because your dish is empty does not mean that it is time to stop eating.

Remember that all food is potentially yours up until the time that it is actually swallowed by another. The lengthy path a piece of food will take from a plate to a mouth via a hand is as good a time as any to stake your claim to it.

When it comes to selecting an appropriate beverage, location and packaging mean nothing. There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule.

If you really see something you want, and all your other attempts at getting it have failed, it is only right to grovel shamelessly. As a second tactic, stare intently at the object of your desire, allowing long gelatinous drools to leak like icicles from your lower lip.

II. Everything Else

There are really only two important facial expressions to bother with: complete and overwhelming joy and nothing at all.

Any time that is not meal time is potentially nap time. The best time to take a nap is when you hear your name being called repeatedly. The best location for a nap is under the bed because you can't be reached. The most relaxing position is on your side, all four limbs parallel.

The most practical way to get dry is to shake violently near a fully clothed person. A second effective method is to stand on a light-colored piece of furniture.

Personal Safety

At the first hint of any irregular noise, run from room to room barking loudly. If someone actually comes into the house, rush over to them whether you know them or not. Then kiss them so violently that they lose their balance or have to force you away physically.

The greatest unacknowledged threat to life as we have come to know it is rabbits. No matter what you must do, make sure there are none in your yard.


Recreation and Leisure

Ball: There are two equally amusing sets of rules you will want to know.

The Common Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and return it.

The Preferred Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and eat it.

Car: As you know, any open car door is an invitation to get in. Once inside, your only goal is to try to get out.


Health: In the event of a trip to the doctor, always be on your guard. If you are vaccinated, urinate on the physician.

47 comments:

  1. I love your seasonal header! I read about your little love muffin and tried to connect any of his antics to MY love muffin. Your's is obviously a youngster and the only things Lucky knows to do is:

    eat human food until diahreah kicks in

    Look forlorn and abandoned when humans stand up (in case they're heading for the door)

    Shake from head to toe when being carried into the vet's or the groomers til your teeth clack.

    When your human stands up, even just to adjust their pants, jump in their spot and growl like you don't know them.

    When all else fails, limp.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was pretty darn good and goes for almost every breed.
    Miss my baby so much - but glad I have my darling new grand-dogger.

    Love fur babies and all their quirky fun.

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  3. I absolutely love to hear from Max, he is just to cute. I think my little one is going to be EXACTLY like him, which is what I wanted when I got her. Now all those things I found cute and still find cute in Max sometimes can get a little hectic here lol. I'll make sure I pass all of Max's information to my little one, lets just pray she listens to just a little of it. She got her ears cleaned today and OHHHHHHHH MY GOD!!!!, You would have thought I had killed her, she still isn't looking at me. Keep up the great blogging Max, I really love to read it, it makes my day.

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  4. Getting caught up on my blog reading. Happy Saturday!

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  5. Thank you for the trip to the meadow. And visiting me. A dog's life. Enjoyed it.

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