Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Truth....... if I Ever Saw It!

A friend sent this to me and I couldn't resist sharing. Hope you get a kick out of it,I sure did.~Dinah~

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,
but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around
your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat
or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In
your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse.(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do.
You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the
floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're e-x-h-a-U-S-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in
the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks,
"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" .................
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why
women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!


  1. LMAO, I'd explain why it can be worse for guys when you have to sit but since this is your post I wont elaborate. LOL

    But yea, public bathrooms are pretty pathetic.

    Very Funny

  2. what a way to start my day. Sounded like The Boss telling me that story,, lol

  3. Haha!! The best part is the end. "that's why women go to the bathroom in pairs" love it!!

  4. This is great and brought a "knowing" smile to my face. I read an article a few days ago that proclaimed the handles on grocery carts have MORE germs (mostly e.coli) than a gas station restroom. Ewwwwwww. When I think of all the times I sat my children in those carts way back when. And men wonder why our purses are so heavy. We have to carry everything....and antiseptic hand cleaner is always in there. Now I'll have to use it on the shopping cart handles too. I guess the old saying of 'what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger' has some truth to it.

  5. :) This is hilarious and sad to say , so very true! I have had some horrific experiences in restrooms...and I actually came across one in a train station (the sort you have to stick money in the door to open) that had a sign on it saying "Door opens automatically after five minutes". Haha, lovely to contemplate.:)

    Have a great weekend and thanks for the laugh.:)

  6. I'm laughing, relating, and grossed out at the same time! :)


Would love to hear from you. It doesn't even have to be about my post,just say hi or maybe you have something that you would like to rant about.If you do the floor is yours. Either way,I'm proud you stopped by and hurry back.